Recently, I've been faced with the very real actuality that I may never have a Pat McGrath Labs Gold 001 of my very own, and each time this thought darts unwelcomed across my mind, a small part of my soul blackens and dies, banished to a lackluster, light-absorbing existence for all of eternity. Only in my wildest dreams, and via Instagram, can I imagine what it must be like to cup this tiny objet d'art in my hand, feel its heart beating and know that within lies 4 grams - .14 ounces - of true, life-altering freedom.
I have dreams - lofty dreams, yes, but it helps to imagine a future for myself - in which I, too, have been blessed with Gold 001. In the dream, I sit in a stark but sun-filled bedroom atop a perfectly smushy white comforter on a bed made of reclaimed wood. Perhaps a stack of Vogue magazines are fanned out around me. Most certainly a cappuccino lies to one side to provide sustenance and energy as I assess the perfection of my life. The light streaming in over the row of succulents on the window ledge perfectly catches the glassy facade of countless shining sequins as I tip a vacuum-sealed packet ever so gently, its contents spilling out in perfectly symmetrical disarray to reveal a beautiful, aurous little disk of Gold 001.
Not surprisingly, however, this alchemical formula isn't easy to come by. In fact, it's only available for sale online "in limited quantities that sell out in a flash" during "spontaneous releases." Constant vigilance is a must, but, like spotting a shooting star or seeing an Olsen smile (with teeth), it seems like it was worth it for this heavenly dust.
Indeed, never did a finer pigment exist. One even gets to mix it oneself using not water but a special vial of "Mehron mixing liquid" - the jet-set's answer to the old "Add-an-egg" theory that turned Betty Drapers across the nation into Betty Crockers.
Further proof that Gold 001 is a work of sorcery, or the Messiah: It comes with its own "Second Life Container." That's right folks, it can be resurrected.
Oh, Pat McGrath you She-Devil. You knew exactly what you were doing, what you were unleashing, when you filled the first prototypical bag with a million and one sequins, when you dusted the eyelids of the glitterati in the Tuileries in Paris with a microfine pigment of gold made from Midas' own resplendent chattels. I can imagine your wicked smile as you determined the number - 1000 - in which to manufacture these miraculous pods, a number designed to feel hopeful, plentiful, but that would never, could never quench the lustful thirst of aurophiles the world over. And free shipping? That was just cruel. It's almost as if to say "Look, Eve, this apple is right within reach, here, I'll even get it down for you. Go on - take a bite."
It's no wonder, of course, that this diabolical créatrice has been knighted - yes, knighted - by Queen Elizabeth for her services to the fashion and beauty industry. Nor is it any surprise that Anna Wintour once proclaimed McGrath "The most influential makeup artist in the world."
The sad truth remains for 7,000,000,000 humans on earth, minus a lucky 1000, that we may never know the sweet joy of painting Gold 001 onto our own lids, lips, cheeks, eyebrows, centerparts, or beyond.
But wait; there's golden lining to this limited-edition cloud.
According to Vogue, the covers, pages and Instagram posts of which McGrath's work has graced hundreds of times throughout her career, late 2016 could see the arrival of more widely-available full makeup collection, so the release of Gold 001, Phantom 002, and Skin Fetish 003 has just been a tease. A cruel, delicious tease.
I sincerely hope so. Because a world where I might never have eyes like these:
or lips like these:
or even ear cartilage highlights like this:
is not the kind of world I want to live in.